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Susie Derkins
July 2010 in Money Matters
One of my major tasks while I'm home this week is to help my mom find ways to dress that she feels good in. I could use some nest-sistance.
Challenges:
1. Must gently accommodate 20" vertical abdominal incision. Currently stapled; staples come out Friday. Soft fabric is a must, and it keeps her from bending over much (i.e. leggings are too hard to put on for now).
2. Must gracefully accommodate the ostomy bag. The stoma is just above and to the right of her navel, and the bag hangs below the hip. It creates a bulge under clothes that sticks out about 2", and is probably a good 6" long. She is wildly self conscious about the bag. She wore a polo shirt dress yesterday for a walk in the park, and was really uncomfortable with the knowledge that you could kind of identify a bulge.
3. She wants to switch to pants, because robes/jumpers/dresses are awkward to get on & off the couch in without flashing the world (and she's very modest). She spends a ton of time with her feet up high, because they're hugely swollen.
4. Should be comfy -- she will stay out on leave through her cancer treatment, so she doesn't need work clothes. She needs "comfy for recovering and then enduring chemo" clothes.
She's wrestling with whether to wear the bag inside or outside of pants... I bought her these at Target to try:
'
and she seems to like them (she's tried them on twice, although she hasn't cut the tags off yet). She isn't happy with the slight bulge, or how big her waist looks, but I just don't know what to do about that. I bought them big, and with how loosely they fit, the outline of the bag isn't discernable. I can't imagine how I'll do better. They meet the "soft" criterion, and are very flowy.
(I may buy other pairs for her so she doesn't realize they come from the pj's section. The whole point of this exercise is feeling "together" and "presentable" and maybe even a little pretty again.)
I also bought her a drape neck short sleeve cardigan, again, to hide the bulge. I might do well to buy some maternity tee's, too, because they're longer, and will hide the bag. But I'm desperate for ideas... especially bottoms that are loose, blousy and not clingy or tight. Her usual style of dress is LLBean, Talbots, etc.
Does anyone have any advice? I wasn't prepared for how big this is to her. Relative to the realities of losing all her reproductive organs and facing chemo in 2 months, I was not expecting the ostomy bag that she'll have for 6 months to be the devil.
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KelliO924
July 2010
This may be a way off the mark suggestion, but what about a pair of maternity jeans, where the elastic band call roll under or hold the bag to her skin. With that, maybe some empire tops so that the flowy look will kind of hide the bag. I'm not sure if they've taught her this, but she can also 'burp' the bag so that it doesn't fill with air, which obviously makes it more visible. She could do this every now and then just to keep the bag as deflated as possible.
Also, what about some button down type polos that she can wear tucked in but slightly puffed out (does that make sense?)
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*punkinpie*
July 2010
I'm so sorry your mom is having to go through that.
See AlsoMedical conditions and pregnancy | InformationChoosing the Right Colostomy BagsValley Medical Center | Anorectal Malformation in ChildrenMedics warn of dangers of freebirth amid calls for changeDH's aunt has an ostomy bag. She wears mainly knits and light cottons. She does a lot of 3-piece outfits that consist of pants/shell/jacket or jumper/jacket. Come to think of it, she wears cardigans, jackets, or vest everyday.
They do a great job of hiding her bag and I have never really noticed the bulge unless I'm looking.
Good luck and if you have other questions, I will do my best to answer them. Hugs to you both!
ETA: when she wears pants, she wears her bag inside
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missfire
July 2010
How about layers - like a flowycardigan or a light suit-type jacket open over a patterned or darkshirt. That's how I tend to camouflage my spare tire. :-)
If it's a size & fitissue too, you might even check out some maternity clothes (and perhaps cut out the tag before giving them to her, so she doens't feel bad). On Oldnavy.com, in the maternity section, they have a "dressing by trimester" feature on the left. First trimester might be about right - you don't want the flowy empire waist maternity-looking things, but they have a bunch of cardigans and elastic-bottomed tops that might do the trick. Oh, and online at Old Navy and the gap today, enter "SAVE30" and you can save 30% plus get free shipping.
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*punkinpie*
July 2010
Also, I found this website http://www.securicaremedical.co.uk/clothing-for-ostomates.aspthat may be of help too
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Susie Derkins
July 2010
Yep, the cardigans, etc. are definitely a good thing. Since she'll be resting rather than working, I figured soft cardigans would be more comfortable than jackets. The one I bought drapes like this:
albeit with short sleeves. She liked that. The maternity one that I PIPed from Old Navy might be good too; with even a little extra fabric around the middle.Maternity pants are a definite option. I tried on a few at Target, but my non-pg self had a hard time assessing the fit. Fortunately she's feeling well enough that by the end of the week I may be able to take her out to shop a little.
I don't think she adores the maternity idea, but... the reality is that she has the bag, and we need to work with it for now. I keep telling her that buying mat clothes isn't a waste (since she'll only need them for 6 months) because I'm about her size, and will be TTC within a short enough period of time to warrant keeping them. That is a happy thing to associate it with in her mind.
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Jigs1114
July 2010
DH dad lived with his ostomy bag for 30+ years and he never really got over the embarassment of having it. It made me really sad for him. His trick to hide it best was layers. He always had at least 2 shirts on, usually an undershirt and a baggier button up type shirt. He was also a man, so looking a little heavier wasn't the end of the world.
I think empire waist tops are great (they don't have to be maternity) I have bought a few to hide my growing (fatty) belly. They make me feel a lot better. And if she goes for it, I think maternity jeans with the stretch pouch would be good for her situation.
Good luck, I think it is great what you are doing, I can't imagine what you mom is going through.
Cutting the Carbs. Yup...another low-carb blog
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cantw82beamrs!
July 2010
Weird coincidence, my DH is actually getting his colon removed tomorrow and will have an ostomy bag. We have been researching a lot on the internet and have found something called the stealth belt. (I am not sure the website off the top of my head). We plan on getting one after his surgery tomorrow. I am not sure how it will work since we have not tried it yet, but he is hoping that it makes him feel more comfortable. Good Luck!
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SaraTonin
July 2010
Has she tried wearing a tight tank under her clothes? I would think wearing that with higher waisted underwear would hold the bag close enough to her body to not be noticed.
Also, I would check out your local cancer center. Most of them have beauty classes for females with cancer. Im pretty sure they mostlyconcentrateon make up and wigs but I would think it would be a self esteem booster. My mom kept trying to get me to go but I dont wear make up anyway and I was fine with being bald so it never appealed to me.
my currently-reading shelf:
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sweetsurrender9 member
July 2010
The website for the Stealth Belt is http://www.stealthbelt.com/.
I would also suggest some nice, soft cotton things, like Old Navy's cotton pants. As the abdominal incision heals, anything with a slightly tighter waistband will hold the bottom of the bag down, keeping the bag a little more flush as well.
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Skeptical
July 2010
Anthropologie has a lot of nice, flowy, feminine tops that I bought to wear during my months before actual maternity wear. I would look at some options there to let her wear clothes that aren't maternity but still offer good camouflage.
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Temp159135562506975
July 2010
i think everyone has given great ideas... just wanted to say i'm so sorry your mom is going through this- you are a great daughter to be helping her through it. Prayers that she has a full recovery.
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MrsZP2B
July 2010
A jacket was my first thought also.
You could do some short sleeved jackets for summer. Maybe something sort of like this to wear unbuttoned? You could probably find something better... but it may give you an idea.
http://www.kohls.com/kohlsStore/womens/jacketsblazers/casual/PRD~634056/Gloria+Vanderbilt+Ziva+Denim+Jacket.jsp
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sarahgcapecod member
July 2010
You are a wonderful daughter. I don't have too much to add on the clothing aspect because I think you are on the right track and have gotten some good advice here. There are a lot of loose, flowy boutique type places around here. Similar to J Jill type stuff - so you may want to look there.
I also want to say that I am following your story and think about you and your mom and how 'lucky' you are that she is going through this in 2010. In 1988, my grandmother went through the same exact surgery and they found the same thing (basically, they opened her up to do the hysterectomy and remove the mass and found that the cancer had spread through her stomach). At that time, the procedure was to close her up, give her a few weeks to live, and make her comfortable. I cried when I read your post because it's amazing how far things have come in 22 years.
Good luck and much love to both of you and your entire family.
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kimi_brighteyes member
July 2010
You are an awesome daughter! I hope your Mom's recovery goes well.
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marchbaby member
July 2010
Not the same thing but when my grandmother was going through dialysis we got her maternity clothes. She had the port and such to contend with so the soft stretchy belly part seemed to help.
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